My Dear Beloved:

I am never so humbled as when God brings into my path those in need and somehow they are helped despite the fact that I am nothing and deserve nothing. Today, I spent time with a person in London and another person in Canada with deep and serious problems. In both cases they seemed to be comforted and helped significantly by our conversation. I praise God that He has allowed me to be His instrument, and am in awe that He can use me, who deserves nothing, and who is such a failure, to accomplish His will; but then He is God afterall, and this shows His glory.

It also humbles me that I am even able to be God's Instrument. I have chronic illnesses and disabilities that makes it difficult to perform any ministry. At the time I talked with these two people on the phone I was very ill, I could barely hold my eyes open at the beginning of the first call. The second call several hours later I was getting light-headed, dizzy, and was not sure I could even sit at my desk to receive the call.

But then something happened that has happened many times before...

...Once I took the phone calls and was talking for a few minutes, it seemed as if I had no illness at all. It was like a switch was flipped and I was able to have the energy and the clarity of mind to help these people with their needs. This has happened many times before and I am just as awed by it now as I was the first time it happened. God is so good.

It is a privilege, however, that I do not deserve -- to be God's instrument for anything, to have the Holy Spirit work through me and my illness to accomplish His will. Who am I that our Lord would use me so? How have I, who disappoint God daily, come to be chosen by God for anything? I have been nothing but a reprobate, a failure, a disappointment, and a sinner all my life. Yet somehow in God's wisdom and love He can find a nitch in me to use. This is humbling to the point of mortification. I do not understand it, but it is not for me to understand, it is for me to do whatever God directs me to do.

Maybe that is the answer -- not so much as to understand, but to be open to God's call and be ready to offer Him our own undeserving selves for His glory, for He is the Glory and the Majesty, the Lover, and the Creator, who chooses whom He wills to do His work. Who are we to doubt?

Your miserable servant,
Brother Bubba

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