MONDAY OF THE SECOND WEEK OF EASTER
Feast of St. Peter Chanel (1841), Priest, Martyr
Feast of St. Louis de Montfort (1716) Priest, Founder of the Montfort Fathers

Dear Father:

HE IS RISEN! Alleluia!

I thank you Father Elijah for being my Spiritual Father. There is so much to learn from you and from the other Saints of God.

Today my thoughts were directed to the great Desert Fathers and their holy wisdom. You would have really appreciated the Desert Fathers.

This reflection caught my eye, and since it has I suppose it holds a message for me to one degree or another.

Here is the reflection from St. Macarius the Great, born around 300 A.D. A former camel driver and trader, he was one of the earliest pioneers of "Scetis," an area in the Egyptian desert near Alexandria that is renowned for the richness of its ascetic life. St. Macarius lived before monasteries were established and as with many monks of his time was a wanderer, not living in any particular place for very long. He visited St. Anthony the Great in the Red Sea Desert at least twice. St. Macarius died around 390 A.D.

St. Macarius tells this story:

A brother came to see Abba Macarius the Egyptian, and said to him, "Abba, give me a word, that I may be saved." So the old man said, "Go to the cemetery and abuse the dead." The brother went there, abused them and threw stones at them; then he returned and told the old man about it. The latter said to him, "Didn't they say anything to you?" He replied, "No."

The old man said, "Go back tomorrow and praise them." So the brother went away and praised them, calling them, "Apostles, saints, and righteous men." He returned to the old man and said to him, "Did they not answer you?" The brother said, "No."

The old man said to him, "You know how you insulted them and they did not reply, and how you praised them and they did not speak; so you too, if you wish to be saved, must do the same and become a dead man. Like the dead, take no account of either the scorn of men or their praises, and you can be saved."

(from "The Desert Christian," by Sr. Benedicta Ward, (New York: MacMillan, 1975), p. 132)

Father I fear I may not be saved :)

Your miserable servant,
Brother Bubba

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SECOND SUNDAY OF EASTER
DIVINE MERCY SUNDAY

Dear Father:

HE IS RISEN! Alleluia!

I was browsing through an old journal of mine this morning. I came across an entry dated more than twenty years ago. The only words written on this particular day were these:

"The ultimate secret of life is the intimate and ultimate knowledge of Death; for without it man would not strive to leave his mark upon the earth."

I thought that was interesting to find on this Divine Mercy Sunday. In many ways it is true -- to truly live we need to have an intimate knowledge of death -- a knowledge of our own mortality on this earth and our eternity in the next life.

With that knowledge we learn that God came in the form of a man to experience with ultimate intimacy the Death of Himself in order to save us. In death there is life, Jesus tells us. If this is true then we need to embrace the knowledge of death and all that it means and not be afraid of it. The Angel of Death is not a Grim Reaper, at least for those who inherit eternal life with God, but an brilliant and beautiful angel some to escort us to the Promised Land.

Oh how great the Divine Mercy of our Lord is to us that he would sacrifice Himself so that we may live.

Our God is a wondrous and great God!

Your miserable servant,
Brother Bubba

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FIRST WEDNESDAY OF EASTER

Dear Father:

HE IS RISEN! Alleluia!!

My thoughts today return to when I was in the hospital back at the first of March. On Day 3 of my hospitalization, March 3, 2003, I made these notes from my hospital bed:
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Day 3 of Hospitalization
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I may be tomorrow when the GI procedure (the scope down the throat) "may" be done -- either tomorrow or Wednesday.

I was on a fast all day Saturday and Sunday on the "possibility" that the GI procedure would be performed over the weekend. It wasn't so the fast was for nought. But the fast was good for me anyway. This past week as been one of the most stressful of my life. The pain last Tuesday and Wednesday were severe -- almost as bad as kidney stone. It actually made it difficult for me to walk. I offered the pain and suffering of those days, and now, for the benefit of the conversion of "partyboy" on Yahoo Catholic Chat, and for Brampton, and for all the others who get caught up in hate, slander, and gossip on Yahoo Catholic Chat.

I have been mostly a "good boy" since being in the hospital -- well almost! Yesterday after getting "unhooked" from the IV I went to the vending machine on the Ground Floor and got myself a Sprite (at least is wasn't a coke). That was not too bad an indiscretion since Sprite is cafeine free (which I am suppose to avoid because of the stomach problems) but it still has the sugar.

Today, however, temptation got the best of me -- especially since I have eaten almost nothing for three days. This time I went to the Cafeteria. I "almost" got myself a hamburger but when I saw my doctor getting a snack I decided to not get the hamburger. Instead I got a chef's salad and a tuna fish sandwich.

This time has been one of much needed rest though it is hard to get rest here in the hospital. In addition to nurses coming in to check on your throughout the night, this place is NOISY. I have spend the last six years in hermitage and an environment of peace and tranquility. All this noise I am not use to and it is driving me NUTS.

This time has also been one of prayer, time for prayer that I have not had in a while. As a result I have come to sense of peace over recent events that have caused so much stress. My sin is ever before me.

Interestingly enough Sunday's Vigil reading was Job. Job, a righteous man (which I am not), was attacked ruthlessly. Upon hearing the news of the loss of his property and family he cut off his hair. In a similar fashion, but under different circumstances -- Job was rightous, I am nothing but a sinner -- unlike Job I am guilty and thus cutting my beard was (and is) a symbol of penance. It was 14 inches long. I cut it to about an inch long (a normal length for most wearing beards).

Psalm 107 speaks to me today:
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Some were sick on account of their sins
and afflicted on account of their guilt.
They had a loathing for every food;
they cam close to the gates of death.

This is almost like it was written for me. On account of my sins I found myself aggrevating a medical problem that put me in the hospital. I ate nothing for days. I did not really come close to death, but the situation was serious enough that I contacted people about what my wishes are if I don't make it and I had the priest come over and give me the Sacrament of Annointing before going to the hospital.

Thanks be to God for His deliverance.

I came across a beautiful private revelation of Sister Mary of the Holy Trinity. Jesus told her:


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"When a trial befalls you, seek the cause within yourselves; what wrong have you done? What good are you neglecting to do?

"Be conscious of your responsibilities and the way in which you fulfill them. You must first understand, and then make amends. Then you will wee that when the trial is no longer necessary, it will cease.

"In difficulty, seek your comfort in Me alone. Ask to obtain the fruit of the trial without delay, so that it may cease."
--from "The Spirirtual Legacy of Sister Mary of the Holy Trinity" entries 79 & 817
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Your miserable servant,
Brother Bubba

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FIRST TUESDAY OF EASTER

Dear Father:

HE IS RISEN! Alleluia!!

We enter into the most sacred period of the year -- Easter Season. It is a glorious time.

Although this is a time of celebration, it is also a time of preparation -- for the Holy Spirit has not yet descended on the apostles. As we approach Holy Pentecost (the birthday of the Church) we not only celebrate but we also prepare to allow the Holy Spirit to come upon us.

We each need to prepare for the Holy Spirit. This is a time of preparation for that -- a time of to begin to practice what we learned from our reflections during Lent and a time for renewed reflections on how to love out the calling we have from God.

My prayer is that all people will examine themselves and prepare themselves for the coming of the Holy Spirit so that we all may experience a re-filling of the Spirit that shall empower us to not only live the victorious Christ-life but to share that faith will others.

Amen.

Your miserable servant,
Brother Bubba

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GOOD FRIDAY OF THE LORD'S PASSION

Dear Father:

I write this early in the morning. Nearly 2000 years ago on this wee morning Jesus had already been betrayed by Judas and arrested. Jesus was being questioned and tortured with tortures too terrible to mention. By daybreak Peter denies his Lord three times.

This is an awesome morning that should be spent in relfection and prayer. Jesus said cannot you pray for one hour to prevent the devil from sifting you like wheat.

This night and morning the apostles abandon our dear Lord. How often do we deny Him? Reflection upon that is one of the purposes of Lent to prepare us for the Hope of the Ressurection

But we need to carefully examine ourselves. How often do we really abandon our Lord and become scattered like the apostles did on this dark night so long ago -- scattered in fear and doubt?

I am in tears to see my Lord on the Cross looking down at me. He is in such pain and suffering yet so innocent of any sin. My sins put Him there, and He looks down at me. His eyes pierce through to my soul and He sees my filth and I am embarrassed and ashamed.

I can only prostrate myself before him. I am not worthy to stand or even kneel in His presence. I am compelled to prostrate myself on the floor before the Living God and beg for mercy. That is what this day is about -- mercy.

He bore our sins on the cross because He loved us so much and by that the mercy of God is made available to us. But because of the great love I cannot gaze upon Him. I can only hang my head and fall on the floor. His love overpowers me and pierces me soul to the quick.

And yett praise God that He loves us so much. Praise Him for HE IS RISEN on Easter Morn.



Your miserable servant,
Brother Bubba

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Dear Father:

It has been seven years now in hermitage. The blessings from God have been wonderful and something of which I do not possible deserve.

I must admit that my sabbatical over the Thanksgiving Holiday left me tempted to return to a life closer to the world. As I entered the the city I could sense the vibrance of lives of the citizens. It was like being in a wilderness and coming into civilization for the first time. Meeting with friends and family was a great blessing and a temptation to want more. Staying with Father Ray at his rectory was a tempation to want parish life and ministry.

I can understand well the ancient monastic admonishment that any monk who is allowed to travel is not to talk about what he saw for the stories of the sights and sounds and experiences can form a temptation to the brothers who remain in cloister. I now understand why monks in monasteries in which I took retreat often sat around me or other retreatants like women lusting for gossip.

The cloistered life, and particularly the hermit's life, is truly separated from the world and from the usual pleasures of the world -- the pleasure of the company of friends and family, the pleasures of active ministry with the parish people, the sense of usefulness to God and man.

Yet we in cloister and hermitage cannot lose site that we, too, are useful to God and to man, through our prayers and studies and imperfect attempts to be an example of Christ. For myself, of course, it is a semi-cloister in that God has granted to me an apostolate on the Internet. And this work has been a blessing with thorns.

The Internet apostolate attracts evil people who seek to destroy, but moreso it brings into focus the privilege of being hated by the world as Christ was hated by the world. The greatest privilege, however, is the ability to minister to so many people throughout the world. Our Internet apostolate has brought even a Jehovah Witness to conversion to the Catholic Church, healing to a young homosexual woman, return to the faith by dozens of people, and an inspiration to the faith of untold numbers of people. Praise God. These things are not a result of me or the staff of the Apostolate, but of the unending grace and love of our Lord Jesus Christ through whom all things are accomplished. We can make no claims for ourselves and indeed we must decrease for Him to increase.

All we can do is to go the best we can following our beloved in His plan for our lives listening to our Holy Mother who points us to her Son and says, "Do what He tells you".

May the glory of God ever be in our hearts.

Your miserable servant,
Brother Bubba

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