Re:your answer to Vacation and Intimacy
Thank you for your response to my question about the second honeymoon my husband and I will be taking. However, you assumed it was our fault for planning this trip during my fertile time. You should know, although it I realize it makes no difference in your answer, that I am in my first post-partum six months, and the plans were made only one or two months after birth. There was no way I could have known what my cycles would be in June.
Also as a side note, I need to express my frustration with church teaching on this kind of situation. Some things in a marriage we do primarily for reasons of unity, like going on dates together or sharing a book or something. A second honeymoon after 10 years is part of this set of things; for a couple with children, this is a vacation that is so rare and exciting that it seems like a situation that would allow for sexual intimacy that focuses just on unity when a couple just can't risk getting pregnant.
In our case it would be four days only and not done in rebellion or an indifference to church teaching. We COULDN'T plan the trip for a non-fertile time, as described above, and although there is more to romance and marriage than sex, such a denial of romantic sexual intimacy during a rare chance to get away from the pressures and decidedly unromantic setting of home for a couple that must avoid pregancy is hard to accept, impossible to understand, and profoundly disappointing.
Maybe you will say that many things Jesus and the Church teaches are hard to understand, which is why the path is narrow, but it doesn't help the hurt and confusion.
Sometimes, what the Church teaches is almost more than a human being can bear, however much they want to love and honor God. You don't have to respond to this; I just wanted to express my feelings.
QUESTION from Rose on June 14, 2004
ANSWER by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM on June 19, 2004
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Dear Rose: You are right, I did presume about the setting of your Vacation plans. I apologize. And yes, knowing how the plans were made or not made has no bearing on the ultimate answer. You say that the Church's teaching are almost too hard to bear. This is not true. In fact, if it were true then God would be a liar. God promises us that NOTHING will come into our life that we cannot bear. So if something is happening in our life we KNOW that we can bear it because God promised that we could and God is not a liar. Now, of course, it can be hard to bear and the degree of our maturity in the spirit will determine how hard is hard, but we can KNOW that we can bear it because God said so. The other matter is that you are not prevented from having sex with your husband on this second honeymoon. God only asks you to have sex with your husband in a morally acceptable way. And I should add that the teachings on sexual morality are not merely the teachings of the Church, they are the teachings of God; the Church is the messenger of that teaching. Is God expected to suspend eternal Truth because your fertile time is the only time you have to go on this vacation? There are no exceptions to eternal Truth. We need to have a proper understanding of marital sex. To have intercourse is NOT required to have martial intimacy. The idea that we MUST have sex during the vacation is not consistent with a proper understanding of the sexual faculty. Even though this is a second honeymoon, it need not be "ruined" just because you do not have intercourse. Have faith in God, Rose. Indeed, there are many couples who cannot have sex because of some illness or infirmity, yet they take second honeymoons and live a good martial life together. To suggest that married couples MUST have sex during a second honeymoon is an affront to all those loving couples out there to which the faculty of sexual intimacy to its full conclusion is not possible. If you believe that you need to have intercourse during this vacation, then have faith that you will not get pregnant if that is God's will; have faith that if you do get pregnant that you can handle it because all babies are a blessing from God; have faith that if you abstain that you may find a level of intimacy with your husband that far surpasses intercourse. Make this vacation a dedication of your marriage to God. That will do FAR, FAR more good for your marriage and family and bonding and unity than having intercourse. Given the fact that having sex that is not open to life is a grave sin, you WILL be rebelling if you do this and you risk your soul by thumbing your nose at God -- and that is exactly what you will be doing if you have sex that is not open to life, thumbing your nose willingly, deliberately, and with fore-thought. But the thing is, is that remaining faithful to God in this situation need not be hurtful. It can be a great blessing, in fact it WILL be a blessing to take your vacation and give it to God. We are not to selfishly keep our sexuality and our marriage to ourselves. We are to give our sexuality and marriage to God. God will bless you and honor you for keeping His teaching even though it may be hard to do. Bottomline: what kind of a 2nd Honeymoon is it that is done in sin? This is not the way to start a marriage (in sin) and not a way to renew and refresh your marriage in a second honeymoon (in sin). Offer your feelings to God and to our Blessed Mother, have faith in God that this honeymoon will be glorious (even without intercourse), have faith. We will be praying for you and your husband to find the strength to stay within God's friendship during your honeymoon.
God Bless, |