Girl Issues
I know this isn't a forum for dating help, but I think that there is something spiritual going on here, too.
I'm positive I'm in love with this girl, so I prayed and prayed and asked the saints to pray for me, too. I asked God to create a hedge around our friendship, and everything. The girl is a Catholic too, but doesn't go to Mass all too often.
We were best friends for a while. She said we had a "Will and Grace relationship, without the gay part." In case you don't know, "Will and Grace" is a show on NBC about a homosexual guy and a straight girl who are best friends.
Then, she gets sick of me, gets freaked out because we spend too much time together, and she found out I like her. I don't understand it, Brother. I pray and pray, yet each time I've wound up more distant from the girl. We were best friends, and now it's not even that.
Please, Brother, pray so that we can at least keep our friendship. At this point that's all I want.
QUESTION from Frank on May 16, 2004
ANSWER by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM on May 17, 2004
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Dear Frank: As much as it might be painful to recognize and accept, but from what you are saying it appears obvious that this girl has no interest in a relationship. The "Will and Grace" reference refer to a platonic relationship. In otherwords, she is saying to famous words of doom that all men hate to hear -- "Can we just be friends?" It is generally very difficult, if not impossible, to be "just friends" after that. Your feelings for her will be a constant threat to her as she is not interested and does not return those feelings. It is also obvious that she may have a problem with commitment, which may have nothing to do with you personally, but may be a general problem of her personality. Someone who is not interested in commitment, especially if they will not admit that to themselves, will continue to feel smothered, penned in, threaten by the very presence of their suitor. Eventually this can become a very destructive situation. Your prayers for this relationship to happen makes this more intense for you. I know that you love this girl, or at least you believe you love her, but you need to let go. There is a corny cliche that I cannot believe I am quoting, but it goes like this: "If you love someone, let them go and if they return you will know it was meant to be." If you continue to "act desperate" to keep her in your life, and whether you know it or not desperation is the direction you are going, you will only drive her further away and will do so with her hating you. Let her go. If she is a friend then you will know in time. Friendship is a gift that one freely offers to another; it cannot be forced; you cannot "make" someone a friend.
God Bless, |