ANSWER by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM on May 11, 2004

Dear Sara: Thank you for this very important question. This is a question that is so difficult to answer in this day and age when vanity is the norm. This is particularly problematic for women. Our culture cultivates vanity in women especially, we all grow up with this contaminated worldview. In modern culture this has become so prevalent and ingrained that it is difficult for a person to discern where the lines are drawn between normal and healthy pride in oneself and one's appearance and vanity. First let us define "vanity". Vanity is the "excessive" pride in one's appearance. Vanity is a form of conceit: "Hey everyone, look how great/sexy/beautiful I look." While it is okay to ask one's boyfriend or husband how good particular outfit looks, it becomes conceit when one is trying to dress to show-off to others how great/sexy/beautiful one looks. Instead of conceit and vanity, we are to be modest and humble. Humility does not mean putting oneself down to dressing in a potato sack. Humility means knowing who you are; not thinking of yourself more than you are (conceit) AND not thinking of yourself as less than you are (false humility). Both conceit and false humility are forms of inordinate Pride. The stereotypical "dress to kill" or "if you got it, flaunt it" is vanity. To dress nicely in an attractive but modest way is okay. This is merely taking appropriate pride in one's appearance in respect to God and to our neighbors. This brings us to the issue of modesty, which is closely associated with the issue of vanity in dress today. As with vanity, this is a question is difficult to answer as immodesty is the norm today. Modesty is a virtue that is disappearing. The "men" (and they are usually men) who design women's clothes and who create the fashion trends tend to create their fashion styles with immodesty in mind. As Christians who are in the world but are not to be "of" the world, we are called to humility and modesty in speech, demeanor, and dress. This is particularly true when attending Mass. I usually sit in the front pew at Mass so I can avoid seeing all the improperly dressed women in the congregation. The definition of modesty will differ from age to age and from culture to culture. At one time it was considered immodest for a woman to reveal her leg anywhere above the ankle. We have come a looooong way since then :) The following definition comes from Father Hardon's "Catholic Dictionary". I include the entire definition for interest sake, since modesty applies to more than just how we dress: Modesty The virtue that moderates all the internal and external movements and appearance of a person according to his or her endowments, possessions, and station in life. Four virtues are commonly included under modesty: humility, studiousness, and two kinds of external modesty, namely in dress and general behavior. Humility is the ground of modesty in that it curbs the inordinate desire for personal excellence and inclines one to recognize his or her own worth in its true light. Studiousness moderates the desire and pursuit of truth in accordance with faith and right reason. Its contrary vices are curiosity, which is an excessive desire for knowledge that should be be had for one's age and position in life. Modesty in dress and in bodily adornments inclines a person to avoid not only whatever is offensive to others but whatever is not necessary. Modesty in bodily behavior directs a person to observe proper decorum in bodily movements, according to the dictum of St. Augustine, "In all your movements let nothing be evident that would offend the eyes of another". Modesty comes from the Latin, modestia, which means "moderation." Bottomline: Concerning our subject, modesty is moderation in dress and appearance; vanity is lack of moderation in dress and appearance. We need to remember the teaching of St. John Chrysostom on modesty. Remember as you read this that the teaching the Saint is giving was 1603 years ago (the 5th century). Nevertheless notice just how applicable it is today in the 21st Century. You carry your snare everywhere and spread your nets in all places. You allege that you never invited others to sin. You did not, indeed, by your words, but you have done so by your dress and your deportment and much more effectively than you could by your voice. When you have made another sin in his heart, how can you be innocent? Tell me, whom does this world condemn? Whom do judges in court punish? Those who drink poison or those who prepare it and administer the fatal potion? You have prepared the abominable cup, you have given the death-dealing drink, and you are more criminal than are those who poison the body; you murder not the body but the soul. And it is not to enemies you do this, nor are you urged on by any imaginary necessity, nor provoked by injury, but out of foolish vanity and pride. Both men and women need to take these words of St. John Chrysostom to heart. Seek moderation, humility, and modesty in dress and deportment. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary