openness to life
Dear Bro. Ignatius,
Thank you for this forum.
My husband and I have been married for 14 years. We have four children. Life with my husband has been very painful especially because of his pagan world views. At the time of our catholic marriage he wasn't a believer. He was baptised as a child in a comunist family and confirmed few months before our wedding. Many times I thought of divorce because I couldn't stand his dishonesty, lies, pornography addiction etc. I just beleived we weren't ment for each other and that our relationship is a big mistake of mine... that I should have listened to my parents, priests and so on...
When I met Jesus personally it was a bit easier for me to go on in life with him and I started to pray for his conversion in a new way. After birth of our last child four and a half years ago I experienced the most difficult time. When our baby was four months old, I learned (but not from him) that he had a vasectomy. He didn't feel like his wife should know about it but he didn't hesitate to inform his mother, his friends and even his co-workers on his decision about having no more children. I wanted to die because this fact was to painful for me. I believe I was saved by God's mercy - many close friends prayed for me and my faith in Jesus' miracles increased.
After two years of hiding tears from my parents (who I hope never found out about the vasectomy) and other people, my husband finally realised he had committed a sin, and that I could never get over with this fact and never stop crying (we cried together many times). He was touched by Jesus (now he says he was finally converted while watching the ceremony from Rome on Good Friday), started going to Mass, and went to vasectomy reversal two months ago. I feel so grateful to God yet I'm afraid that God won't give us more children.
What additionally bothers me is the fact that many people still think we are opposed to life (my husband won't tell them abouth the reversal). Many of them (including my mother-in-law) even say I'm lucky because I don't have to worry about the birth control!!! So how can we prove that we follow the Church and are oppenedd to life?
Furthermore, I'm worried that the surgery may not be successfull and that he should have his sperm checked (which is probably associated with masturbation).
Please pray for the holliness and blessing of our marriage, and for pregnancy and give us some advice how to go on with this situation. It's very distressing to wait for the signs of pregnancy each month. Bless you!
QUESTION from katarina on May 14, 2004
ANSWER by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM on May 17, 2004
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Dear Katarina: You have been through a lot. The story you tell illustrates why we should race to divorce lawyer when things are not going as planned. It is possible to eventually work out even the most terrible problems IF we allow ourselves the time. Since we live in a society that cannot wait 10 seconds for coffee to warm in a microwave without getting edgy, it is no wonder why people do not stick with marriage. I praise God that your husband has truly been converted and is now living for God. As far as "proving" that you and your husband are pro-life, you really do not need to prove anything to anyone. Ignore their gossip and pray for them especially since rash judgment is a grave sin. Concerning getting pregnant, you need to accept whatever God's will may be. We do not that the "right" to have children, we are given the gift by God of our children. We also have to accept the consequences of our sin. Even though the sin may be forgiven, the consequences remain. The consequence of the sin of your husband may be that we will not every again be able to have children. Testing is not necessary to find out of motility is low. The test will not change the low motility. Rather, give it to God. Trust in Him and if you and your husband are able to have a baby, and if you are open to life, then he will eventually give you a child if it is His Will. You need to do what Jesus did in the Garden. To paraphrase Jesus you can ask God, "Father we wish to have a baby, please give us a baby; but nevertheless Thy will be done." Instead of worrying about whether or not God will give you any further children, pay attention to the children you already have. In fact, even though you may try to hide your worry from your children, they will sense your worry and concern about having more children. Sometimes children can interpret this as their parent no longer wanting them or appreciating them, etc. But the bottomline is that with this, as it is with all things, we must offer our problems and concerns to God, let go, let God and accept the results. There is a story told about a man hanging onto a branch coming out of the side of a cliff. The branch begins to break which will cause him to fall and die. The man cries out to God, "Lord help me! the branch is breaking and I will fall to my death!" Silence.
The man cries out again, "Lord are you there? Save me for I am about to die!" Again the man cries out to God. This time God answers, "Yes, son, I am here". The man says, "Father help me, the branch is breaking and I am about to fall to my death. Save me." God replies, "Ok, son, I will save you, but first you must let go of the branch. The man thinks about this for a minute, then looks up to heaven and asks, "Is there anyone else up there?" We must let go of the branch THEN God will save us. We must do that in all other areas of life. We must let go and let God. This is what you must do. Let go of the worry (Jesus says do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will take care of itself), accept whatever God has for you, even if that is no more children. Once you let go, who knows, maybe you will find yourself pregnant. If not, praise God anyway.
God Bless, |