Problem husband
            QUESTION from Annette on April 12, 2004

Dear Brother Ignatius, I have a marital problem I don't know who to talk to about it - it's embarrassing and I can't talk to my pastor as they refer me to Catholic Community Services. My husband doesn't want anyone involved with our family. We have had problems in our marriage since day one. I had to get married, although I liked my husband enough to want to make it blessed. He is 57 and so am I. I am annoyed and angry with him all the time because he does things that would demand the patience of a saint. He has dyslexia, he's had poor work history, his social skills are not so great. He does have an ATA degree however, and is very smart. But socially is stupid! I am at the library typing this because I don't have internet access at home. I just ran out of my house after coming home tired from my job. I find five grandkids, 4 of whom my husband babysits for one of our adult children who is alone. They make a total mess, not to mention my husband who also is a slob. I come home to dishes in the sink, stacked any which way, popcorn all over the kitchen floor, in general - chaos. We have a small house. He has always been someone to have to pick up after. I have been upset more often than not with him on issues of taking in grandkids on Saturdays at our house, for all day - I don't want anyone here on weekends. I have a teenage son who is a handful already. I told my husband tonight that he is a slob, and I went on to say some other things, and he said for me to go to my mothers - that if I didn't like it here to leave. He doesn't work - I do. I just volunteers to help all the grown children and their problems. He doesn't try to keep things up for me when I get home. He acts like it's nothing to get upset about. But I do get upset. Our teenage son doesn't do anything either. I've threatened to take his computer away, but his dad also threatens to break his pc, which he probably would not, but he is letting our son's disrespectful behavior slide. I don't have a lot going for me in this marriage most of the time. I feel like I am unappreciated, by both my husband and son. If I stress to my husband that I have to work two jobs, outside the home as well as in the home, he states that if I was single that I'd have to work anyway! Meaning that I'm not going out of my way that much for the family. I am so irritated with him. Most of the time I can't go to communion because I am so angry at him I wish he was dead! I need somebody to give me some solace, or at least, that I was able to unburden myself in this website. I appreciate having the opportunity to do this. When I get upset with him, I physically throw things, or break things that belong to me - like bending the curtain rods under my kitchen cabinets tonight, and tossing them with the curtains which hid what was underneath and exclaiming: "maybe you prefer to look at what's underneath the counter - a mess - but this is what you obviously prefer" or words to that nature. My son sees me having these fits. I was saying the warefare prayers when I first got on this site, but have been spiritually dry right now. We had 7 children. They all have problems. I believe my husband also has ADD/ADHD; some of my grown children saw the devil when they were 7, 8 and 9 years old. Even the grandchildren in my house have seen "things." Mostly, in the hallway to my husband's bedroom. We don't share a bedroom anymore because of his snoring. And since I took a bedroom in the opposite side of the house our marital problems have not gotten better. He has always taken it too personally - but I honestly would share the bedroom if he didn't snore. But on top of all this, he was told he had diabetes last year, and has been in denial. I won't even check his blood glucose leve. Also, he has gout. He has been taking all sorts of supplements, which seem to be somewhat helpful. But he is a very bullheaded person (I am too). He depends on my wage to support this medical treatment. I ask him to go on SSI but he acts like it's not necessary because he's getting better. How much of all this sounds like marital problems and what is from maybe demonic influence? My husband stated that a year or two ago that something large loomed over him in bed so that he couldn't move, and it put pressure on him, but he prayed to himself to ask God to take it away. He's seen shadows out of corner of his eye behind furniture in the bedroom. Our granddaughter saw something behind the inside of the bedroom door. Another grandson saw something in the hallway outside the bedroom door. There has been nothing but arguing and chaos with my husband. He is very frustrating to live with. His 89 year old mother is living with us off and on, and she is very religious, but doesn't seem to make a great impression on my husband though. He is very odd with his thinking. I wonder often what this is all about. I haven't been very affectionate with him for years. It's been off and on since we were separated for two years, and have been together for three years now. He insists that I am to be submissive, but I find it hard to be that when he isn't really doing his share with keeping up the house. I know his gout hurts him at times, but he seems to expend all his energies with his grandchildren's caring. I have only 5 minutes left to type, so I am asking for prayers, or suggestions on how to deal with my difficult situation - my husband does not think he needs counseling, but rather me and my son do. Please , I would appreciate anything in the way of spiritual guidance or understanding - and is my anger from the devil, or is it justified? Thank you for reading this. Annette